Sunday, December 1, 2013

Trey's ankle

In early versions of The Narrows Escape, Trey's ankle played a bigger role in the pre-hike narrative. However, when I decided to cut down the reunion portion of the book to get to the hike faster, I cut out most of the drama surrounding whether or not Trey would be allowed to go. I've already published a couple of those clips, but this clip is where the decision is actually made. It takes place the night before the hike. What I like about it is that it shows his parents' teaching style. Here it is:

As his family headed back to their camper for the evening, Trey said, “Well, I guess I better check my pack to make sure I have everything.” He held his breath, hoping that his parents would acquiesce without an argument.
I don’t think you should go,” Dad announced, dousing Trey’s hopes.
But I’m fine!” Trey exclaimed, walking around to prove his point. Although he succeeded in walking ten yards or so without a limp, his ankle groaned in response. It was getting better all the time, but it still had a long way to go before it was 100% again. He gritted his teeth and faked a smile. “See?”
I can see that you’re a pretty good actor,” replied Dad.
It really doesn’t hurt that much anymore,” Trey persisted. “I mean, sure, I can feel it a little, but I’ll be fine. I promise!”
Why do you want to go so bad?” asked Mom.
To be with my cousins,” Trey answered immediately. “It’ll be fun, and I may never get the chance again.”
Remember what I said about not doing something dumb just to fit in?” Dad asked. “Well, hiking down a rocky river with a sprained ankle falls into that category.”
But this is different!” Trey argued. “This is a family thing! Aren’t you the one who’s always talking about ‘Family First’? So how can you say this is something dumb?”
The hike’s not dumb,” Dad clarified. “Hiking it on a sprained ankle is.”
It’s not fair!” Trey fumed. “You promised I could go if I could walk without limping!”
I didn’t promise any such thing,” Dad countered. “I said we’d talk about it. And we’re talking about it.”
What’s the use of talking about it if your mind’s already made up?” asked Trey.
Dad sighed. He had a large frown on his face. “I didn’t say you couldn’t go,” he explained. “I said I didn’t think you should go.”
So it’s my decision?” Trey asked warily.
Dad looked at Mom. She shrugged and he looked back at Trey. He took a deep breath and let it out. “I guess you’re old enough to make your own decision …”
All right!” exclaimed Trey.
“…But before you do,” continued Dad, “I want you to thoroughly consider the consequences of your decision, and I want you to pray about it.”
Okay!” Trey agreed. But even as he said it, he was already thinking about how much fun they were going to have.