Saturday, October 27, 2012

Trey's character bio


Marvin Trey Allred (Trey)

Novel: The Narrows Escape Time & Setting: Summer 1983
Birth date/place: April 24, 1971; Ontario, CA
Married: no
Home(s): Hillside, CA (since 1971)

Hair: dark brown, straight Eyes: brown Facial: oval, strong jaw
Weight: Height: Build: tall, thin, lanky Skin tone: tan
Unique Physical Characteristic: left-handed; large birthmark (brown blotch) above left knee (rarely wears shorts)
General Health: healthy
Positive traits: observant, creative, musically inclined (instrumental), realistic, determined, funny, family oriented, intelligent, smooth dancer, animated, handsome, polite (especially to adults), patient

Negative traits: sarcastic with family & close friends, clumsy when out of rhythm, doesn't have good study habits (procrastinates) because academics come naturally, not into sports, gets motion sickness

Favorites: Color: red Food: spaghetti Drink: 7-Up
Music: soft rock (Beach Boys, Police), jazz, classical Literature: Lord of the Rings, Hardy Boys Movies: Star Wars (eventually replaced by the Princess Bride)
Clothing: preppy – polo shirt, jeans, penny loafers, argyle socks, rarely wears shorts
Hobbies/Interests: playing the saxophone & guitar (receives for Christmas '83), collects cassette tapes and records of favorite groups, band class, photography, hiking, camping (prefers campers to tents), family history, amusement parks, girls, used to collect Star Wars figures, Denver Broncos (but only because his uncle used to play for them)

Education: attended Viewpoint Elementary school; Will attend Hillside Jr. High; joins concert band and jazz band; honors student – 4.2 GPA
Religion: LDS
Financial status: sometimes asked to babysit when his sisters are unavailable
Politics: Independent/Republican
Father: Marvin career: French teacher Hillside HS birthday: 8/26/42 car: Mustard yellow ford truck (doubles for camper)
Mother: Sandy career: homemaker (elementary school sub) birthday: 4/4/42 car: White 1980 Lincoln Town Car
Siblings: Amber (12/29/67), Elizabeth “Liz” (3/20/73)
Pets: dog (Scooby-Doo, black mix breed with brown paws); goldfish (backyard pond)
Home life: happy, has very own room, has good relationship with his sisters
Friends: Devin & Brady (cousins); Jeff Dishman
Favorite possessions: saxophone/guitar
Car: no
Greatest accomplishment: Citizen of the Year Award (6th grade)
Greatest regret: Not being able to finish the Narrows hike
Short term goals: wants to fit in socially, wants to lead Jazz band to #1 ranking in CA
Long term goals: wants to be a musician or doctor

Fears: sharks, heights (but won't admit it)
Worst problem: often called a “nerd” in elementary school because he was usually the teacher's pet
Secrets: undisclosed
Philosophy: Family first
How changing: he is starting to become interested in girls
Influenced by (Heroes): family, Spencer W. Kimball (distant relative), Donnie Osmond

What does this character want more than anything and why? He wants to fit in and be accepted by his peers. He often feels out of place – especially since he is the only boy in his family and his cousins each have brothers. Also, in elementary school, some of the kids called him “Trey the Nerd” because he was always popular with the teachers and excelled academically.

If you were meeting this character for the first time, what would strike you most about him/her? His easy going nature and quick wit

Why will the reader care about this character? He is charismatic.

Why is this character in the story? He is one of the three protagonists.

Write a diary entry for this character (entry into the novel): Today was the last day of school! Jeff and I are going to have a lot of fun this summer – swimming, listening to music, maybe starting a band. Hey, and in a couple of weeks is the Allred family reunion. It's going to be so much fun. Devin's family will be there and he can tell us all about what happened to his house. It was destroyed in a mud slide! And after the reunion, we get to hike the Narrows in Zion National Park. It is going to be so much fun! Uncle Darrell showed us the slides from when he took his Scouts. They were so awesome! I can't wait to see it for myself. I better take a roll of 36 shots for my camera or I'll run out for sure.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Devin's Character bio


Devin Gilbert Allred

Novel: The Narrows Escape Time & Setting: Summer 1983
Birth date/place: December 24, 1970; St. Paul, Minnesota
Married: no
Homes: St. Paul, MN (1970-1973); Provo, UT (1973-1975); Farmington, UT (1975-1983)
Hair: reddish, blond Eyes: pale blue Facial: oval
Weight: Height: Build: short, small, physically fit Skin tone: fair
Unique Physical Characteristic: a handful of light freckles sprinkled across his cheeks
General Health: good

Positive traits: courageous, tries to be a leader, likes challenges, adventurous, deceptively athletic, average musical ability, nostalgic, good at fixing things (particularly electronics), ambitious
Negative traits: overly competitive (especially with Shane), short fuse, jealous of Shane, impatient, punishes himself for failures, avoids crying or anything else that makes him look like a kid

Favorites: Color: purple Food: hamburgers Drink: Hawaiian Punch
Music: Beach Boys, Jazz (only because of the basketball team, but never listens to it)
Literature: Hardy Boys, Sports Illustrated Movies: Star Wars, Indiana Jones
Clothing: casual (T-shirt, jeans, shorts, tennis shoes, baseball cap occasionally)
Hobbies/Interests: collects sports cards (especially football and basketball), and Star Wars action figures (but is beginning to think he’s too old for them); likes to watch football and basketball (Jazz, Celtics (Ainge), Broncos, Angels, BYU); hiking and camping; games (Risk, Monopoly, etc.); starting to notice girls; amusements parks; the beach; computers & electronics

Education: Will attend Prospector Jr. High; wants to play on basketball team; 3.0 GPA
Religion: LDS
Financial status: does paper route, mows lawns to earn extra money
Politics: Republican (uninterested)
Father: Arthur career: HS counselor (Northland HS) birthday: 2/18/45 car: blue Dodge truck (doubles for camper)
Mother: Jen career: homemaker (audiologist) birthday: 9/7/47 car: maroon station wagon
Siblings: Shane (6/13/69), Kendal (9/25/74), Olivia & Emily (8/1/79)
Pets: dog (Mr. T – because of black stripe down middle of white head)
Home life: pleasant; shares room with Shane, but both boys want their own room; competitiveness between boys sometimes causes contention

Friends: Trey & Brady (cousins); Kevin (Utah)
Favorite possessions: autographed Steve Young card
Car: no
Greatest accomplishment: helps rescue his brother in Virgin Narrows
Greatest regret: too small to play football, hampers basketball development
Short term goals: wants to be recognized for his own accomplishments
Long term goals: wants to be a pro athlete

Fears: failure
Worst problem: always overshadowed by Shane; loses temper quickly
Secrets: confidential for now
Philosophy: Be a winner
How changing: Has to adjust to new environment (CA), relationship with Shane
Influenced by (Heroes): family and friends – particularly Shane (though he'd never admit it), Trey & Brady, and his Grandpa (named after him); (John Stockton, Karl Malone, Steve Young, Jon Keyworth, Spencer W. Kimball)
What does this character want more than anything and why? Devin wants to be recognized for his own accomplishments (not known as Shane's younger brother).

If you were meeting this character for the first time, what would strike you most about him/her? His competitiveness

Why will the reader care about this character? He is easy to identify with. He has good intentions, but has to overcome obstacles to accomplish them.

Why is this character in the story? He is the protagonist.


Write a diary entry for this character (entry into the novel): Our house was destroyed today by a mudslide. We were barely able to evacuate in time! I helped my mom take our stuff to the school, and took care of Kendal and Emily. Shane went back to help my dad and Olivia, who were stuck inside the house when the mud smashed into it. When they finally got back, some TV reporter heard about it and interviewed Shane on TV. They treated him like some kind of hero even though it was Dad who saved Olivia. Anyways, we're going to have to move. The house is ruined. Hopefully we can move to California near Trey and Brady. I can't wait until the reunion to tell them all about it! For now we have to sleep here at the school on the gym floor. At least they canceled school for the last couple of weeks!


Sunday, October 14, 2012

Uncle Marvin's cooking

When doing revisions of a manuscript, you need to make sure that any changes you make are consistent throughout the manuscript. For example, when I removed the section about the obstacle course, I had to go back and remove any reference to Aunt Sandy's broken arms throughout the book. I also had to remove a small scene about Uncle Marvin's cooking that takes place when he and Aunt Sandy return from the hospital. Although the scene had little to do with the plot, it was one of the clearest examples of Trey's sense of humor, and that of his family in general. Still, it no longer fit, and had to go. Here it is:

That evening, as the family assembled around the fire pit, Uncle Darrell tried to get a campfire program going, but nobody else seemed to be in the mood. Instead, the conversation once again revolved around Aunt Sandy's unscheduled trip.
"I hope she's okay!" mumbled Liz.
"She'll be all right," Amber assured her. "She's recovered from all her other broken arms just fine."
"How many has she had?" asked Devin.
"Three or four," said Amber. "She's never been known for her sense of balance."
Suddenly, Devin heard the van pulling up. Trey was the first one up. He grabbed his crutches and struggled to his feet and began limping toward the van the best he could. He was quickly outdistanced by the others – including Devin.
When the van stopped, Uncle Marvin helped Aunt Sandy out as the rest of the family crowded around to see how she was. She stood in the middle of the crowd with both of her arms in casts, held by two slings draped around her neck, and an embarrassed smile on her face.
After she assured everyone that she was doing okay, Uncle Darrell took a deep breath and asked the dreaded question that was on all of their minds. "Are you going to be heading back to California?"
"No, we're staying," she replied. Devin breathed a sigh of relief – not just because they’d be staying, but also because it meant she would be fine.
Uncle Marvin shrugged, "I told her it would be fine with me if we left early, but she insisted on staying. At first the doctor wasn't too happy about that – especially since it was the second time he’d seen me today - but then he noted that it might keep her from doing too much around the house. She's on strict orders to relax, and not do anything above the absolute minimum."
"I guess that means you get to do all the cooking," she teased.
"Oh, no!" groaned Trey. He turned to his cousins and asked, "Can I eat with you guys this trip?"
"Come to think of it, can I join you too?" his mother chimed in.
Everyone laughed, and Devin was glad to see that Aunt Sandy was back to her normal, happy self.
Maybe the rest of us should eat with you too,” suggested Amber. “After all, we don’t need to make any more trips to the hospital.”
My cooking isn’t that bad,” protested Uncle Marvin, scratching his beard.
Wanna bet?” remarked Liz. “You can’t cook toast without burning it.”
But I make a mean bowl of cereal,” he replied with a wink.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Obstacle Course

 As I was preparing by final version of The Narrows Escape before publication, I had a colleague at work (an English teacher) read through it to help me catch any typos. One of his suggestions was to cut down the reunion section a bit and get to the hike faster. After reading through it again, I decided to cut one of my favorite scenes - the Obstacle Course. Although it is humorous, and loosely based on actual events, it really did little to further the plot. And although it helped with character development, it really was superfluous development. In reality, it could only be fully appreciated by someone associated with one of my favorite people in the world - my Aunt Sally. In any case, it was the last cut. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Hear ye! Hear ye! The obstacle course is now open!” announced Shane, once they’d heard Trey’s update.
Devin looked over at Trey, who frowned at his ankle. Trey wouldn’t be able to participate, but Devin hoped he wouldn’t hold it against him and Brady if they did. Usually they did everything together, but he didn’t want Trey’s injury to ruin the reunion for the rest of them.
You guys go ahead. I’ll just sit and watch,” suggested Trey.
Are you sure?” asked Brady hesitantly.
Yeah, I need to rest it anyway,” said Trey.
Devin breathed a sigh of relief, and hurried with Brady to join the others who were lining up to try out the challenging course. But before anyone was allowed to run it, Uncle Darrell insisted on checking it for safety.
My dad and I already tested it,” asserted Shane.
Well, we need to be one hundred percent certain that it’s safe,” announced Uncle Darrell. He looked at Trey and added, “We don’t need any more injuries.”
It’s also a good excuse to cut to the front of the line,” added Uncle Rob with a wink. “I better help ‘check it out’ too.”
After giving their stamp of approval, Uncle Darrell got out his stopwatch, and began timing the participants as they ran through the course. Aunt Doris, Brady’s mom, stood nearby shouting words of encouragement to each and every participant, and then recording their scores on a notepad. The top three winners in each category – child, youth, and adult – would receive awards at the end of the reunion.
After stretching out his muscles and joints, Devin squatted behind the starting line and prepared for his run. When Uncle Darrell yelled "GO!" he sprinted twenty yards and leaped through a hula-hoop hanging a couple of feet off the ground. Next, he climbed up a rope ladder to a suspended platform, six feet high, and swung down to the ground using another rope. He hurtled the water pit, hopped up onto the balancing beam, and walked across. He then rolled under a broomstick two feet off the ground, hopped through five spare tires, and made the fifteen-yard dash for the finish line.
"One minute, twenty-nine point one seconds!" called out Uncle Darrell.
"What place is that?" he gasped, gulping in oxygen.
"First so far," said Aunt Doris.
All right!” he exclaimed, pumping his fists.
Brady went next, but didn’t even come close to matching Devin’s score after losing precious seconds by falling off the balancing beam.
Then it was Shane’s turn. He ran hard the whole way, and with his longer legs Devin was sure he’d take the lead. But Shane slipped when swinging off the raised platform - and Devin’s heart beat a little faster. Maybe he could win after all!
Shane quickly jumped back to his feet and raced to the finish line without losing much time at all. Once again doubt crept back into Devin’s mind.
What time?” asked Devin and Shane simultaneously.
"One minute, twenty-eight point nine seconds."
The time mockingly reverberated in Devin's ears. He spat and kicked the ground in frustration. Point two seconds! Shane beat him by two measly tenths of a second. “Can we go again?” he asked after stewing for a few moments.
Sure,” said Uncle Darrell. “Go as often as you like.”
Devin hurried back to the end of the line. He was going to beat Shane’s time if it took him the rest of the reunion.
Unfortunately, his time kept climbing higher. The harder he pushed himself, the more mistakes he made, and the worse he did.
"Mom, are you going to try it?" inquired Trey hopefully.
"I might," Aunt Sandy hedged as she eyed the course warily. She had short, straight dark hair – styled in a bob-cut. Only Trey had inherited her naturally tan skin, to the envy of his sisters (who were almost as white as the rest of the Allreds). At five feet eleven, she was easily the tallest of the aunts.
"Come on Aunt Sandy, you can do it!" urged Shane.
"I'll go if you do," suggested Devin’s mom, Jen, to her sister-in-law.
As Aunt Sandy considered the proposal, Uncle Marvin stepped in, “You know, that might not be such a good idea. You remember what happened the last time you tried to run one of these things don’t you?”
"You think I’m going to break my arm again?" she asked.
Well, you never know,” he said uncomfortably.
Aunt Sandy had a natural cheery disposition, but she did have one shortcoming. She could be clumsy at times. She was also determined to prove her husband wrong.
I’ll do it,” Aunt Sandy said. She turned to Devin’s mom and added, “As long as you go first.”
"Okay," Devin’s mom agreed. She had curly, brown hair and green eyes. She was bubbly and spry, and had a smile that could light up a room all by itself. She got set and, on Uncle Darrell’s mark, set off on a trip through the course while all the kids cheered her on. She did great, beating her husband’s score by almost two seconds.
When Uncle Randy tried to razz him about it, Devin’s dad pointed out that she’d beaten his score too. “Point taken,” replied Randy rather humbly.
After his mom finished, Aunt Sandy got set.
Are you ready?” asked Uncle Darrell.
As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said, sounding a little nervous.
You can do it, Aunt Sandy!” shouted several cousins.
Go!” shouted Uncle Darrell.
She ran hard to the hula-hoop, then came to a complete halt and carefully stepped through. Then she headed to the rope ladder. She slowly climbed it, making sure of each step before proceeding to the next. But once up, she looked like she wanted to get right back down.
Devin knew that Aunt Sandy had an extreme fear of heights – even relatively short ones like this. A nervous scowl replaced the double-dimpled smile that usually graced her face; but there was also a look of determination.
She sat down on the edge of the platform, and used the rope to help her make the short jump down. When she hit the ground, she collapsed in a small heap. Devin held his breath and saw Uncle Marvin take a few steps forward, but Aunt Sandy got right back up again and plodded on.
She sloshed through the water pit and straddled the balance beam. Rather than walk across it, she wisely decided to scoot. Once down, she hurried over to the low bar, and slowly crawled under it.
When she climbed to her feet, she rushed over to the tires, and cautiously hopped through them – first one, then another. The cheers rose as she passed each tire. As she reached the last tire, and looked up to assess the final fifteen yards, the cheers reached a crescendo as everyone heartily congratulated her on her feat.
As she raised her foot from the last tire, it caught on the rim. The cheers vanished into a collective gasp as she toppled forward. She landed hard on both arms, shrieked, and writhed in pain, clutching her arms to her chest.
"Are you okay?" yelled several family members as they quickly formed a circle around Aunt Sandy. Devin, who had been waiting patiently for yet another shot at Shane’s mark, was one of the first to reach her.
"No!" she wailed. "I'm not okay!"
"Get the first aid kit!" Uncle Marvin ordered. He then implored her to lie still so that he could examine her arms. She lay in a fetal position and initially resisted his pleas.
It’s going to hurt,” she complained.
Maybe, but it’ll be worse if we don’t take care of it,” her husband explained.
After some coaxing, she finally uncurled herself, taking care not to move her arms. Uncle Marvin gingerly touched her swelling left arm and she shrieked in response. She rolled away from him again before allowing him another look. He touched her right arm this time, with the same result.
"I think they’re both broken," he announced.
"I could have told you that!" she retorted.
As soon as Amber returned with the first aid kit, Uncle Marvin and Uncle Darrell bound up her arms with makeshift splints. When the splints were in place, the two men helped her into the van for yet another trip to Cedar City.
As Uncle Marvin drove away, ten different conversations broke out – all about Aunt Sandy. Devin listened for a couple minutes, but was anxious to run the course again. Shane had shaved another two seconds off his time, but Devin was still determined to beat it.
Are you ready for the next contestant?” he asked Uncle Darrell. His uncle looked at him as if he’d asked for a thousand dollars.
There aren’t going to be any more contestants!” Aunt Doris announced. “One accident’s enough! We need to tear it down right now before anyone else gets hurt.”
But Mom!” griped Brady. “It’s fun!”
How can you even consider running it again after what happened to your aunt?”
That was an accident,” stated Brady. “We’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
That’s right. And we’ll make sure of it by taking it down. Right Darrell?”
I suppose,” he agreed reluctantly. “Come on guys; let’s take care of it right now, before one of the little kids gets hurt.”
Devin was steamed. His chance to beat Shane was gone, just like that. Shane probably planned it this way, he silently accused. He’s the one who encouraged her to run it.
He glanced over and saw Trey sitting morosely on a boulder and suddenly felt guilty for his attitude. “I’m sure she’ll be okay,” Devin assured him.
It’s my fault,” muttered Trey, heaving a great sigh. “I shouldn’t have suggested that she try it.”
You can’t blame yourself,” Devin argued. “We all encouraged her.”
Yeah, but now she’s got two broken arms. As soon as she gets out of the hospital, we’ll be going home for sure.”
Devin hadn’t thought about that. It was bad enough that Trey couldn’t participate in most of the activities; but if Trey’s family went home, Uncle Darrell would probably cancel the Narrows trip. This reunion was just going from bad to worse.