The "Green Monster"

Since today is St. Patrick's Day, I thought it would be appropriate to share a deleted scene regarding the "Green Monster." As you are probably aware, the Green Monster is the name given to the massive left field wall in Fenway Park. It is also the name Brady and his cousins gave to the old, green, canvas tent that Uncle Darrell's family slept in on camping trips. As a kid, I was always a bit jealous of my cousins because their families got to camp out in campers while my family had to sleep in a tent. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was new and easy to put up. But the Green Monster was a relic from the 60's, and had a musty smell that grew stronger by the year. Worse yet, it took about six people to set it up, so my dad always had to recruit the help of cousins who were unlucky enough to be in the vecinity whenever it was time to put up the tent. It wasn't a quick job either. You were usually stuck there for 30 minutes while my dad tried to figure out which poles went where, or borrowed stakes to replace the once that had gotten lost or broken since the last camping trip. Actually, it wouldn't have been so bad if my cousins weren't sleeping in cozy campers while I was shivering in the tent and avoiding rain drips on nights the weather turned bad - which seemed to happen on an annual basis. Here is the clip:

By the time they arrived at the campground Wednesday evening, the sun was already starting to set. While his cousins got to spend the last hour of daylight exploring their new surroundings, Brady was forced to spend it helping his dad put up the “Green Monster” – a name Brady and his siblings had unaffectionately given the old, green canvas tent. It was a relic from the 60s, and had withstood the effects of rain and sun so many times that the faded material gave off a distinct musty odor.

Whenever the kids tried to convince Brady's dad to buy a motor home, or at least a camper, he would always retort that half the fun of camping was roughing it. One of the worst parts of “roughing it” was using the local restroom facilities. While Devin and Trey’s campers had small “restroom” facilities (a port-a-potty in a small compartment), Brady’s family used whatever facilities were available – or even made their own, if necessary.

Fortunately, this campground had outhouses. After a quick stop by the tent to pick up some toiletries, Brady's dad grabbed a flashlight and led the entire family to the pair of outhouses on the edge of the campground. There they took turns using the ghoulish toilets. Not only did they stunk to high heaven, they looked as if they hadn't been cleaned in at least a decade.

“I don’t wanna go in there?” declared Christina, plugging her nose.

“It’s not that bad,” said Mom, trying not to gag on the noxious fumes that flowed out whenever someone opened the door.

“I’ll wait,” Christina persisted.

“For six days?” asked Mom. “You couldn’t last six hours. No, I’m afraid we’re stuck using these.”

“But I’m gonna fall in!” wailed Christina as she walked inside, and peered down through the seat into the waste vault below.

“I’ll hold you,” Mom insisted, closing the door behind them.

For a moment, as he stood there in his shorts and T-shirt shivering in the cold, Brady wondered why he’d spent so much time looking forward to this trip. For some reason, whenever he and his cousins reminisced about the reunions, Brady always forgot the barbaric conditions he often endured. It was probably because his cousins didn’t have to suffer them.

After everyone was through, the family marched back to their tent, where they washed their hands in a large bowl filled with cold water. Then they brushed their teeth, using water from the family’s three-gallon water jug, spitting into the weeds at their feet.

“I’ll be thinking of you sleeping on that nice, hard ground as I’m enjoying the soft cushions in our nice, warm camper,” said Devin when he came over to say goodnight.

“Gee thanks,” muttered Brady as he covetously eyed his cousins’ campers.

After changing into his sweats, Brady climbed into his blue sleeping bag and tried to get comfortable. He had to readjust his half-inch thick foam pad a couple of times to get off a rock or root that had created an uncomfortable lump underneath his right shoulder blade. Eventually, he found a relatively flat plot of earth and drifted off to sleep.