Thursday, April 25, 2013

Arthur and the Rangers

The mystery element that is prevalent in the second half of The Narrows Escape took the book to the next level. Before it was introduced, the book was a fun adventure, but lacked some of the drama that now exists. Of course, once I added the mystery, I had to remove or change large sections of the text. The following deleted scenes show the relationship between Arthur and the rangers as it was prior to the change:

            “Is it usually this dangerous?” asked Arthur looking back at the dam from the other side. The water was shooting through the small gap, then racing through a narrow trench before plunging into another slow-moving pool. He could easily imagine someone getting stuck in there. On the other hand, the natural water slide looked pretty fun.
"This is one of the trickier sections," admitted Ranger Smith, “but it’s usually not this bad. There’s just too much water flowing through here right now, and a lot of loose debris. It doesn’t make a good combination for hiking.”
"Do you think that other large group is already out?" Ranger Sorensen asked.
"They must be - one way or the other," Ranger Smith predicted gloomily. “It’s too bad our radios won’t work in here or we could get an update on the search.”
Arthur had been so absorbed in his preoccupation with his family and finding Shane that he had almost forgotten about the other group they were supposed to be looking for. The implication of the ranger's remark did nothing to raise his spirits.
But it would do no good to dwell on such things. He tried to dismiss the thoughts and focus his mind on hiking. The sooner they found Shane and the others, the better. Luckily the ground wasn’t very rocky, due to all the silt that had been dumped by the flood. Speed was of the essence.
What’s that?” asked Ranger Sorensen, pointing toward the base of the cliff to his left. He walked over, reached down, and plucked a soggy boot out of the water. He examined it closely and passed it to his partner. “Were any of the hikers we’ve met so far missing a boot?”
I don’t think so,” Ranger Smith replied. He handed it to Arthur. “Does it look familiar to you?”
Arthur took it and examined it. It looked fairly new, despite being waterlogged. “It’s not Shane’s, and no one else lost a boot in our group,” he informed them.
That’s what I was afraid of,” said Ranger Smith. When Arthur looked at him questioningly he added, “It’s too new to have been sitting there for more than a day or two. If it doesn’t belong to someone we’ve already seen, then it must belong to that other group. And you know what that means.”
Arthur swallowed the lump in his throat as the ranger stuck the boot in his backpack. They then pressed on - a little faster than before.
##
The rangers didn’t stop for lunch. Rather, they munched on more granola bars and trail mix. Arthur, of course, did the same. He was just as anxious to keep searching for flood victims as they were – probably more.
"There's a large group ahead," said Ranger Sorensen excitedly. "It looks about the same size as the group we’re looking for too!"
The two rangers jogged forward, and Arthur struggled to keep up. As they got closer, it was evident that several members of the group were limping along the best they could. One hiker was even being carried by another. The rangers hailed them and the group came to a halt.
"Was your group hit by the flood?" Ranger Smith asked without preamble.
Several members of the group nodded their heads, the sorrow on their faces evident. Although he must have known the answer already, Ranger Smith asked the dreaded question: "Is everyone accounted for?"
A burly man, strong but badly bruised, shook his head and answered, among the sobs of some of his companions, "There are two missing. My brother's girlfriend didn't get out in time, and when he jumped in to save her, the flood swept him away too. I tried to grab them as they went by, but only succeeded in getting pummeled by the logs myself." His voice choked up and he couldn't say anything more.
"I'm very sorry to hear that," Ranger Smith sighed emphatically before continuing. "In any case, we’ve got first aid equipment. Who’s injured?"
Several of the hikers came forward with severe cuts that had been bandaged with strips of T-shirts, sacrificed for the purpose. The first patient, however, was the young teenage hiker who was being carried. His father set him on a large rock and Ranger Smith examined his leg.
"I’m afraid it’s broken," assessed Jason Smith as he carefully examined the heavily bruised limb. "Luckily we have the equipment to stabilize it. Unfortunately, we’ll have to keep carrying him out. There’s no way to get a chopper low enough to lift him out."
When Ranger Sorensen opened his pack, he pulled out the boot they had found. Holding it up he asked, "By the way, did anyone lose a shoe?"
"Actually, that's mine!" the teenager exclaimed. "I lost it in the flood! How did you find it?”
"I found it in the river wedged between some rocks," Ranger Sorensen explained. He handed the boot over to the boy's father since he wasn't going to be able to wear it anyway. He then got started putting a splint on the injured leg.
While the rangers worked, Arthur interrogated the hikers to find out if any of them could give him any clue about his son's whereabouts. His heart ached a little more with each negative response. Given the circumstances, however, maybe no news was good news. All he knew was that his son was lost, and nowhere to be found.
After finishing his interrogation, Arthur waited impatiently for the rangers to finish. Finally, he could bear it no longer. He couldn’t just sit and wait any longer while his son might be lying somewhere along the banks ahead, waiting for someone to rescue him. He had to do something!
After explaining his desire to the rangers, Arthur bid them farewell and headed down the river alone. As soon as the rangers were out of sight, he wondered if he had done the right thing. He wasn't afraid of getting lost - it wasn't hard to follow the river. But his father, a lifelong Scouter, had taught him to never hike alone. If something were to happen, he would be all alone. But desperate times called for desperate measures.
##
It took half an hour for the rangers to bandage all the wounds. When they were finished, the rangers finally stopped to rest. It was only then that Jason Smith realized how weary he was after their arduous hike with little food or rest. If not for the swirling river at his feet, he could easily lie down right there and take a nice, long nap. Luckily, they were getting close to the end.
He hadn't dared mention anything to Arthur, but he was afraid that his son's chances of survival at this point were looking very slim. Still, he wished their former companion luck.
After a few minutes, the rain started coming down harder, and he focused back on the task at hand. Although he was still worn out, it was time to rise and escort the grief-stricken group out of the canyon. If not for the danger that lurked overhead, and the somber mood of the devastated group, he might have actually enjoyed this last, very beautiful stretch which would lead them back to park headquarters. Once there, he could head home for a good meal, a nice hot shower, and some much needed rest.

1 comment:

  1. Deleted scenes are always so interesting to me as it really helps you grasp the process of writing...there isn't just one edit...or two or three...more like hundreds.

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